Saturday, March 24, 2007

Counseling the Self

We play so many different roles in life when it comes to relationships. A friend, a brother, a sister, a father, a mother, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a husband and many more can be listed down. Each has its own significance and in each role we play a character with different nuances of sensibility, maturity and openness. But a role which we often play that has a combination of all these roles is that of a counselor. When a distressed soul comes to you for advice, we try to put down all these roles into one and derive our own commonality and try to help that individual with our advice.

We always put our personal biases into them and see the individual’s problem from our frame of mind. It becomes very difficult to make the person understand our point of view as they are not ready to let go their contentions even though they come to us for advice.

The point to note here is that it’s easy to advice but not to convince. The person who is in the line of fire is disturbed. The only help one can provide is to give a logical explanation with a fair degree of compassion and help him to settle down first. Once he takes thing a bit easy then help him to achieve some objectivity and a course of action to avoid such issues in future. However, the bottom-line remains that one has to do it themselves or so to say counsel oneself to get things going. Talking to friends definitely helps and provides a bit of relief yet one has to fight their own way out.

I can bet that you too must have been hurt in the past which could have been due to numerous reasons. It could have been due to a rebuking boss/professor, unfair treatment at work, misunderstanding with parent or friends, people making judgmental comments about you etc. The reasons could have been many more yet someway or the other such thing hurts.

Just to avoid the feeling of being hurt we make common statements like “I don’t care about what the world has to say”, “I don’t really give a damn” or “Only people who matter to me shall hurt me and the rest don’t matter”. Well, we agree or not yet to a certain degree all of us are moved when we come across such instances. It goes without saying that some of us are more vulnerable to such things.

It’s only through experience of such events that one learn to handle them. Infact it’s a good thing that sometimes such things happen to us. Such incidents help us identify our true friends especially those who help us during our bad time. The bad thing is that such incidents can cost you loss of trust and faith which are really valuable things to lose forever. Yet in retrospect you will feel that you have grown as a person with lots of understanding about life and the real world.

When one has gone through several such experiences then gradually you get immune to such things. You develop an attitude to move ahead in life regardless to who says what about you. One has to have a focus in life in order to achieve the same. It’s very difficult not to get distracted by others if one doesn’t have a focus.

I have always valued two kinds of people. One who like me a lot and the other who dislike me a lot. Both add a lot of value to me.

The ones who like me strongly also understand me to the core and know the reason for my actions. They understand me to such an extent that the source of confusion is rare and even if there is one it doesn’t last for long. Well, the number of such people is less and rightly so as I don’t expect all to understand me neither I would like to understand all.

The ones who dislike me strongly also understand me to the core yet they put their own connotation to my actions which is in direct contrast to what I meant. I never try to change their opinion about me as their inputs keep me driving. Somebody said “Your success does not depend on how much you are loved but how much you are hated”.

The message I am trying to put across is “Life is not all about love or being loved”. Love is meant only for a few special people. Don’t expect that all will care for you or even be good to you. So why get distressed by who says what about you. Even people you love sometimes hurt you yet if you have a strong bonding it will be fine again.

Life is beautiful provided you make it one. Live with your head held high and always be at your best. Learn to laugh and bring smiles to others.

When there is so much to learn, do and savor who the hell has time for a few morons who have nothing but to make others life miserable. So chillax and enjoy the fun !!!


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